Dad has been laid off for four years, sitting at home without working.

He hasn't brought us a single penny.

Dad feels that as a university graduate assigned to a state-owned enterprise, it would be embarrassing for him to go out and look for work after being laid off.

Even though my whole family is supported by my mom, who didn't even finish high school, selling buns and cleaning toilets for a living.

Even though I couldn't afford a winter coat, getting so cold that I caught a cold and coughed all winter, unable to buy medicine and enduring it all.

Even though my little brother eagerly followed other kids, craving the big bubble gum they chewed, picking up discarded pieces from the ground when they spat them out, swallowing them, only to end up with a high fever of 41°C, vomiting and having diarrhea, expelling a disgusting piece of bubble gum.

Even though we couldn't afford meat for half a year, my mom would go to the market to ask for discarded big bones to make soup.

I still remember to this day my brother holding a bone with no meat on it, devouring it with a hungry look in his eyes.

And then my dad saying, "What a disgrace!" (slang for embarrassing).

Enraged, Dad knocked over the hard-earned bone soup, my brother tried to pick it up from the floor, Dad kicked him around, my brother was only 5 years old.

My mom's tears started flowing instantly.

Even so, Dad was still spirited, like a victorious rooster, all because of me, just because of me.

Because of my excellent academic performance.

Because I always ranked first in school.

Because of me.

Me, who in his eyes, was always considered worthless, a bad seed.