I moved to the school.

The dormitory is a four-person room, converted from the junior high school section, and it's separate from the high school section.

The dormitory is crowded and small, but I feel very happy, just like when I first tasted that ice cream cone in my childhood.

I studied desperately, trying to make up for everything I'd missed.

Every day I was the last one to leave the classroom, and the first one waiting at the school gate to be opened.

Spring comes and winter goes, winter goes and spring comes again.

I am no longer the old rat searching for light in the darkness of the sewer, but have emerged and have been continually following the turning sunflower.

I used to always be facing away from the sun, thinking it was very far away from me.

But when I finally turned around, my eyes were blinded by the dazzling sunlight, and I realized that the sun had always been very close to me.

I want to pursue the light, to soar and fly far away, just like Kuafu chasing the sun, never regretting even on the day of death.

Because I will become a mountain, become a stream, become a white cloud, become everything merged with the myriad things in the world.

In the first round of the senior high mock exams, judging by the previous year's scores for the arts and sciences, Chang Jianing's results still left me far behind.

I accepted my mediocrity calmly, but I didn't give up.

Chang Jianing would help me with math problems, their science curriculum was much easier than the arts. If I followed her approach to solving problems, naturally it would be much easier.

She would eat purple rice bread while explaining the questions to me on the phone, dappled tree shadows casting a soft glow on her face.

By the second round, I had already scored first place in my grade for the arts.

The science test was in the room next to mine, and as I sat in the first row, peering through the slightly open door, I could see Chang Jianing hunched over her test paper.

She would also frown at difficult questions and get upset when she couldn't finish homework.

We were enemies, but also friends fighting side by side.

On the day the college entrance exam scores were posted, my name appeared, together with Chang Jianing's, proudly displayed at the top of the school's leaderboard.

I scored thirty points higher than her, which was the exact difference in the scores required for the arts and sciences at top universities.

She tugged at my sleeve and sighed, "Wow, you scored thirty points higher than me, Qiqi, you're first place."

I shook my head, "We both got first place."

My mom was ecstatic when she found out my score. She kept boasting and showing off to everyone.

She would tell guests, "Yes, my daughter scored over 610 points, and yes, she's first place at school, she can go to a top university like the 985!"

Her scissors seemed unbelievably nimble, and she couldn't hide the smile on her face.

She thought for a moment and added, "I'm not capable, I can't give her such good opportunities, she's the one with the talent."

Her lips turned up, but there was a glimmer in her eyes.

I couldn't figure out the meaning of my mom's words for a long time.

I spent the whole summer working outside, I found a job at a milk tea shop.

Chang Jianing insisted on working with me, often mixing up green tea and black tea, not being able to scoop the right amount of ice.

She watched my smooth movements, enviously saying, "You're so amazing, Qiqi, you seem to be good at everything you do."

I stared blankly as the milk tea was pushed into the sealing machine.

It turns out that everyone has innate talents, some are good at studying, others are good at drawing.

There's no need for comparison between people, because everyone is unique from birth.

Sometimes when I finished work and passed by my mom's store, she would be sitting on a small stool outside.

In the peak of summer, the tree shadows danced, and a gentle breeze would roll through, creating a lush green wave.

It was a vibrant scene, but my mom was hunched over, staring blankly at the leaves.

As she gets older, her posture becomes increasingly deformed, her pelvis tilting forward, her chin protruding, making her look older.

She would be lost in thought, and when I hurried past her, she didn't even notice me.

Chang Jianing and I got into the same school.

On the day we left together, my mom told Chang Jianing, "Take care of yourselves, don't make the family worry. Please help take care of Qiqi for me, it's a bit of trouble."

Her current appearance is completely different from how I remembered her in the past.

After that, she softened her previously sharp and acerbic demeanor, and when she faced me, she even inexplicably used the words "fondness" and "indulgence."

One day when Chang Jianing and I were studying together in the library, I quietly asked her why my mom had suddenly changed.

She sighed and propped up her chin, saying, "Perhaps for her, losing control was more terrifying than just losing. She realized that she had nothing left, and couldn’t afford to lose anything else."

"Or maybe she suddenly realized that you are no longer the helpless child she used to mold and manipulate."

"Or maybe after she lost the ability to hurt you, she pretended to show kindness to conceal her past ugliness."

In a daze, I suddenly realized that all of this was no longer important.

I'm not a deserter, I just want to pursue my own sunshine.

I am the unique Fang Yiqi, there is only one of me.

We never need to become someone else, because we are already the best versions of ourselves.