My mom always likes to compare me with children from other families.

She talks about other children, saying that I'm not as good as them in this aspect or that aspect.

She always manages to find faults in me, and then compares me to another child with precision.

The stronger the comparison, the more satisfied she becomes.

During my school days, the most common form of comparison was grades.

Starting from elementary school, scores became the rigid criterion for measuring a child's excellence, while other talents and skills were just icing on the cake.

A big piece of paper with a table printed on it listed the scores of the 38 classmates from high to low.

I wasn't smart, I was the kind of child who needed to study very hard to get high scores.

In the first midterm exam, I only ranked around the middle of the class.

When my mom found out about my ranking, she was furious. She tightly held my report card, her face gloomy, and asked me, "Why are you so stupid? You only ranked 13th?

"You can't even surpass those dirty children from low-income families who only earn 3,000 yuan?"

The elementary school I attended mostly consisted of children from working-class families.

My mom owned a hair salon and beauty salon. I didn't know how much money she earned in a month.

But I felt disgusted by her way of speaking.

Because with just a few thousand yuan, she was able to categorize people into high-class and low-class, dirty children and clean children.

I instinctively felt that what she said was wrong.

My mom was very angry. She grabbed a clothesline pole and beat me for a long time.

I was beaten until I ran around on the balcony, trapped and cowered in a corner. I kept crying and crying, with snot and tears covering my face.

While blocking the clothesline pole with my hand, I apologized to her, "I'm sorry... I won't do it again next time."

Half of her eyes burned with raging anger, while the other half showed a fierceness I had never seen before.

She scolded, "You were so smart in kindergarten, do you know how much money I spent so that you could skip a grade and start first grade?

"Aren't you ashamed? You can't even compare to them. How am I supposed to face others? I have to constantly bow down to others because of you..."

My birthday is in December, so I was supposed to start elementary school next year.

My mom heard what a customer said about me. The customer said I was smart and that it would be good if I started elementary school a year early. They said even if my future grades were not good, I could repeat a year and it wouldn't be a loss.

Luckily, my mom received a phone call at that moment. A customer had come to the shop.

She had to go attend to her business and didn't have time to lecture me anymore.

As she put on her coat, she issued a final ultimatum to me, "If you don't do well in the final exam, you'll have to figure it out yourself."

This sentence was terrifying. She didn't explicitly say what consequences there would be if I didn't do well in the exam. Instead, she used a vague phrase to make me live in suspense and fear.

Unknown things always instinctively frighten people.

Driven by this primal fear, I started studying desperately.

Finally, in the final exam, I ranked third in the class.