Before He Xiaoman appeared, I didn't think that friendship would come to someone like me.

I was obsessed with every exam, obsessed with my parents' belittling and scolding when they turned to others.

I have always been thinking why my life, which hasn't even walked a quarter of the way, has always been losing but never had.

When He Xiaoman transferred to our school in the third year of junior high, I was surprised.

Encountering a transfer student at this critical juncture in junior high was quite rare.

I couldn't help but take a few more glances at her.

She tied her hair in a high ponytail, the hair was very long, shimmering in the light and emitting a pleasant fragrance.

She was studying painting, and the school's art studio was next to the water source. Every time I passed by the door of the studio, I could see her.

With her back to the door, her long hair casually tied up, the sunlight shining through the window onto her slender shoulders, holding a charcoal pen in her hand, she was drawing on the board swiftly.

Her determined look seemed to be depicting her own future.

Later, when I was promoted to the senior high school department of our school, I ran into her again.

It was such a coincidence in the world that she and I were still desk mates.

Over time, I became more and more acquainted with her.

October 7th was my birthday, a day that everyone else forgot except He Xiaoman.

She gave me a painting.

When she unfolded the drawing paper in front of me, I saw the purple-gray sea and sky in the painting, with a black boat as an isolated island in the rolling waves.

The small boat was heading towards the white moon, treading on the heavy sea, breaking open white spray.

He Xiaoman said, "We are on the same boat and will move towards the moon together."

We are not deserters but soldiers struggling forward together.

University is our only chance to escape from here.

He Xiaoman and I both applied for that undergraduate program thousands of miles away from home.

When the deadline for submitting applications was approaching, my parents finally remembered me.

My mom, as if suddenly recalling something, grabbed me anxiously and asked, "You haven't submitted your applications yet, right, you child! You never pay attention to your own affairs. Hurry up and submit them."

My mom brought out a laptop from Zhang Jiacheng's room at the uncle's house. She awkwardly opened the website, hesitated for a moment when she saw the exam registration number column, and urged me to take out my exam registration card.

I sat there silently without saying a word.

My mom became a bit anxious, shaking my shoulder and yelling, "Hurry up! Take advantage of today when both your dad and I are here, let's submit your applications together."

"Choose a better undergraduate program, closer to home, so that it's convenient for your mom and dad to take care of you..."

My mom's words were interrupted by my dad. He put down the cigarette from his mouth, shook off the ashes on the ashtray, and suddenly said, "Don't apply for an undergraduate program, go for an associate degree. We don't have money to fund your undergraduate studies."

He paused and then said, "Just study at Jiacheng’s place; the tuition fee is just over three thousand yuan a year, and accommodation is five hundred, cheaper."

Although I had rehearsed this scene in my mind a hundred times, I was still shocked.

My mind went blank.

I looked at my mom in a daze, and then turned to look at my numb and callous dad.

He frowned, his hand holding the cigarette trembling.

Is he feeling guilty? Would he feel guilty for ruining my future?

My mom pursed her lips, the emotions swirling in her eyes couldn't be hidden, but she forced herself to calm down. She cleared her dry throat and said, "Yuanyuan, our family has no money left, what's the difference in studying for an associate degree?"

"You can still upgrade to an undergraduate degree later, it's the same, more solid learning. As long as you study well, it doesn't matter where you are."

"What's that saying? Strong people never complain about their environment."

Self-deception.

I closed the laptop with a crisp sound, smiled gently, and said, "There's no need for you to put on an act here. Do you think I don't know where your money went? Isn't it spent on buying diplomas for Zhang Jiacheng?"

"I have already submitted my applications, for an undergraduate program. Let me say it again, I applied for an undergraduate program!"