Do I live my own life?

But my life, thread by thread, has already intertwined tightly with Lu Yining.

I mustered up the last bit of energy and flew back to Zurich to complete my thesis defense.

I made revisions and added Lu Yining's name to the acknowledgments.

If there comes a day when I will die, then I hope her name won't be forgotten in this world.

Let our names be listed side by side in this way.

Lu Yining, Xie Yizhou.

Once in love, once separated, once dead.

After graduation, I returned to China and rented a house near the company.

During the day, I am an energetic engineer, but at night, I need medication to fall asleep.

I rapidly grew thin.

My mother came to Beijing for a trip and was shocked when she saw me.

"Yizhou, is your work so hard? You're reduced to skin and bones!"

She stayed in Beijing for a few more days, buying groceries and cooking for me, hoping to nourish me.

One day, when I came home from work, I saw her sitting on the sofa, not watching TV.

There were several medicine bottles on the coffee table.

She asked me, "Can you tell me what these are?"

She's a fashionable old lady who knows how to use the internet, asking knowingly.

I smiled and replied, "These are medications for treating depression."

She asked, "When did it start? Was it the pressure of your studies? The pressure of work?"

I looked up, tears streaming down my throat.

"I fell in love with someone, and later she died, and then I became like this." I smiled, "I'm sorry, I didn't want it to be this way."